Our baby experienced another large milestone this week – he had his very first night away from mommy and daddy. Perhaps an even bigger, concurrent milestone was that my husband and I had our very first night away from him. This night had been some time in coming; our anniversary is at the end of June, and to help us celebrate, my parents planned a visit in which they hoped to both soak up time with baby and also to watch him overnight for one evening of the trip. My husband and I had been greatly looking forward to Nana and Papa’s visit, but were uncertain as to whether we would actually be able follow through with leaving our baby for an entire evening away – although to help encourage said follow through, we made sure to book a local hotel in advance so that we had an external commitment. (As an aside, I find it both humorous and humbling to find that while, before baby was born, I insisted that I would be able to prioritize marriage and would be intentional in finding ways to be alone with my husband regularly, ever since baby was born I find it incredibly challenging to be away from baby for more than a few hours. I now understand why not all parents get out often!)
This past week the long-awaited visit with Nana and Papa finally arrived, and included many sweet moments shared together as a family, including zoo adventures and playing with toy towers and walking and going to Target and baby generally enjoying being the center of attention, along with all the lavish of snuggles and coos and admiration this role entails. Baby seems to be slowly leaving the “stranger danger” phase of development, and is instead beginning to enter into a stage where he mostly likes the attention of others, especially Nana and Papa, and particularly if my husband and I are still in the room. Baby plays more gently and quietly with others (instead of being his usual boisterous and busy self) but still has many smiles to share, some snuggles to give, and much shared enjoyment. He particularly relished being on outings where Nana and Papa could hold him while he looked at the interesting world around him – some of his favorite moments of being held seemed to be while looking at zoo exhibits and at toys in the store. And as baby delighted in engaging with Nana and Papa and in looking at the world, I delighted in watching baby and my parents together, enjoying one another. It was so very sweet to be able to share the joy of him with them, and in doing so it felt as though the joy of motherhood multiplied. These felt like such sweet, quintessential “grandparent time” moments, and left my heart feeling so full.
Thankfully, this fullness of heart borne of several days of time shared with my parents led to me feeling ready – or at least as ready as possible! – to actually try to spend the night away with my husband. These moments from earlier in the visit helped me see that baby is able to be with others (away from me) more than I might think, and that he may even enjoy doing so. I know that my parents certainly enjoy being with him. This time shared together also led me to reflect on how I want to be able to let my baby go enough that he actually gets to be with and form relationship others; I do not want to anxiously keep him to myself and always try to “protect” him even now that he is growing bigger. While my desire to be with my baby is motivated by my love for him, I wonder if loving entails a balance of both holding close and letting go. My parents were offering to love me (and my husband) by watching our baby, but I think that me accepting and trusting was also a way for me to love my baby and to love my parents (who cherish time with my baby). Being away to celebrate our marriage was also, of course, a way for me to love my husband.
With these thoughts in mind, Friday night arrived. After packing an overnight bag, I fed baby and gave him his bedtime bath and put on his jammies and nursed him and snuggled him close – and then my husband and I kissed our baby and told him we loved him before giving him to Nana to rock to sleep. And, away my husband and I drove, just the two of us, for our first time of being out of the house as just two for more than 3 or 4 straight hours since baby was born. And it was surreal and refreshing and precious and weird and wonderful and exciting and celebratory – and it truly happened! My husband and I enjoyed doing small things reminiscent of how we used to share time together prior to baby – we went to dinner and talked about everything and nothing, we wandered around and looked at random points of interest, we got ice cream and coffee, we drove around and listened to music, we laughed at one another’s jokes, we enjoyed having no responsibilities for over twelve whole hours and watched corny hotel movies and marveled at a night of uninterrupted sleep, we slept in, we went to brunch. We reflected on our marriage and the ways in which our love has grown over the years, how much both we and our lives have changed since we were first married, how gracious the LORD has been to us. We enjoyed being able to focus on just one another, having uninterrupted conversations where we could make one another feel important and seen and cherished, being just two. And, after cherishing these sweet moments as just two, we drove back home to our dear baby. I would not trade a night away with just my husband celebrating our marriage, but I also would not trade having our dear baby to go back home to afterward. And I think that each is sweeter for the experience of the other – I appreciate my husband (and time alone with him!) even more after having our baby, and I appreciate being with our baby even more after having a short bit of time away with just my husband.