“Jesus is better.” I have been reflecting often on this phrase since I heard a man share this short yet profound statement in the conclusion of his testimony at church a few months ago.
I say that I want to believe Jesus is better, but do I truly believe this, in my heart of hearts? I have really been wrestling with this lately, especially as it pertains to those I love most dearly. As I have written about before, I really struggle with trusting the LORD with those I love, especially my baby and my husband. Do I truly believe that Jesus is better than my baby’s well-being, or my husband’s? Do I really believe that any suffering and loss and pain endured in this life will pale in comparison to the eternal life and hope and joy that we have in Jesus?
It is not even that I have been experiencing any real suffering lately; it is more that I find myself so often afraid of what the (earthly) future may hold. Yet I keep feeling convicted that if I truly believed that Jesus is better, if I really trusted in God’s sovereignty and goodness, if I genuinely understood in my heart (leb) the incomparable glory and joy of a future with Jesus, this present life would be put in its proper place – as in I would be free to love with vulnerable abandon in the present and make the most of every opportunity while keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus. But instead, I find myself often becoming so fixated on my fear of loss that I cling tightly and try to control in order to “ensure” well-being. Yet if I am completely honest, I realize that my “control” is only an illusion, that well-being in this life is not guaranteed, and that if anything my striving for control mostly just makes me less able to be present in loving those I most want to love.
So I find myself praying often that the Holy Spirit would be helping me to truly know that Jesus is better, that he would help me to love and trust Jesus, that he would give me faith. That by the help of the Holy Spirit – whom Jesus promised to his followers in John 14 – I would learn to abide in Jesus, the only True Vine (John 15) by trusting, praying, and remaining obedient. That in doing so I would experience the fullness of true and lasting joy that can only be found in Jesus, that is not of this world, and that is not contingent upon earthly circumstances. And that as the Holy Spirit helps me, I would bear fruit and glorify God by truly being able to keep Jesus’ commandment of loving one another as he has loved all of his followers.
John 15:1-12 English Standard Version (ESV)
I Am the True Vine
15:1 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. 2 Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. 3 Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. 4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. 5 I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. 7 If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. 9 As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. 10 If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. 11 These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. 12 This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.”